Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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