i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
