i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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