R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
