also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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