i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
