I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
