we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
