I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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