My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
