So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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