my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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