I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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