Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
