your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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