dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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