it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
