i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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