C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
