where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
