She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
