id be glad to
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
