is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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