I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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