Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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