I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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