she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
