i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
