you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
