I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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