And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
