You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
