he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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