tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
