i was born a porn star she said
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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