Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm really busy with my period
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