I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
