dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
