it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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