Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
