Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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