Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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