you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
