The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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