if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
