it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
