im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
