I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
