is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
