do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
