No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
